In Reply to: Re: Paying dues posted by Reader on September 23, 2007 at 19:39:57:
Thanks for the explanation. And I appreciate your charitable view of my motives.
I feel I may have been unwise to inject myself into this discussion. I feel badly that emotions have gotten so heated, and that whatever this family chooses to do, I have only made their challenge greater.
One thing that I tend to forget when I do not spend much time on boards such as this is the tremendous amount of emotions people carry. This of course opens everything one says to a great deal of analysis. The pain people carry with them, probably usually under control in most areas of their lives (or survival itself would be incredibly difficult) finds release in a forum such as this. Although "harsh criticism" can be a little hard to take at times, I figure it is nothing compared to what many have gone through. And I realize no FG is free from culpability. Certainly not me anyway.
I am not a newcomer to these issues. I have had to confront them in my own family many times. And if I were to try and explain the ways I've tried to make restitution it would sound pathetically self serving.
But what is difficult for me is that I am unable to grasp how the path forward can be found. On a personal level we have struggled (imperfectly, but over many years) to heal our closest relationships. None of us, as you point out, is totally issue free, but consistent acts of love have accomplished a lot. Unfortunately, the internet does not seem to facilitate such relational healing. (I've noticed this on political and religious discussion boards as well.)
I am absolutely sincere in the questions I asked of the posters who were suspicious of my motives or integrity. (Most days I've got doubts about them myself.) But I really hope that some here will help me (and who knows, perhaps other readers) get a handle on what could facilitate progress towards healing. Thinkers post concerning the struggles the UCC is going through with native peoples, as well as kids abused in there own church institutions, serve to point out that so far it does not seem like anyone has come up with a tidy 3 point plan to apology and healing.
At times I wonder myself if there is any hope. Maybe it just is some bad shit, and no one ever gets to get it all off. But I remain just starry eyed enough (or naive maybe)to keep hoping.
By the way, I love your nic. Reading has got to be the coolest thing that humans ever cooked up. The ultimate mind expander. (But at least as addictive as the ones peddled at rock concerts.)
Again, thanks for the answer.