In Reply to: Re: Conversations without agendas? posted by sia nara on June 08, 2008 at 01:49:43:
The agenda comment had to do with things that happen a long time ago to me. Now I think it was wrong to bring that up as it doesn't really add to the topic and it is a private story anyway.
Yes, I read your questions as honest questions and I tried to answer them honestly.
"Do others here desire a chat board where we support each other? Or just to chat with a few friends you relate to and cut others out that don't fit in 100 percent to a like view on every subject?
"Or do you want to understand each other?"
I think a board serves many purposes but I also think that the word "support" is loaded. How can it be defined to have flexible boundaries to foster freedom of speech and exploration of issues. I am assuming that one of the purposes of these communications is to do that. Maybe I am wrong. If that didn't come through in what I said, I am really in trouble in the communication department.
But I also said that discussions and disagreements are important. Not all of them are negative, some are positive even when they are uncomfortable.
I am very uncomfortable at being treated by Perry the way he has, even when my reaction has been of appeasement. His reading in between the lines and assumptions of who I am, what I do and believe, and a lot of other things taint his view of what I wrote. He prides himself in doing just that. Well, that is his style and I turn out to be the bad guy even as I try to agree with him. So, I walk away.
Obviously, there was a wrong turn somewhere. Was it me? I even started one of my messages taking the blame for something I wasn't clear about. The guy came even stronger on me. I am obviously doing something wrong there, so I walked away.
Negative discussions appear but it is up to us to maintain them or not. But I dread the word "supportive" because I don't understand it. In my mind, by asking questions so that a topic is examined, I am supporting but many people don't see it that way.
My wife, for example. Sometimes she wants for me to just "listen" and say nothing other than agree with her. Is that what "support" means? But I have to say that sometimes I instead ask her questions to talk through the issues. It is not as smooth as just listening and being "supportive" (her words) but it also works and she appreciates that too. So sometimes one works and sometimes the other works even though one doesn't seem "supportive".
Hence my answer.
Now I have exhausted my opinion on the subject.