In Reply to: Re: My thoughts posted by Jewlz on October 22, 2008 at 23:41:09:
My heart goes out to you and to your child. How sad this dead beat dad rejects his child like this. Won't even let his son call him "dad"!!
This had got to be one of the saddest aspects of TF, that the children that were born in or have a TF parent have to lose contact with their parent for supposed security purposes, denial of parentage or rejection in favor of an old dead head buck toothed "queen" of the flies. Your ex is not even a relative of mine, but reading what you wrote, I'd like to skewer him with a couple of extra long chopsticks.
(said tounge in check and not with serious intent)
I admire what I have read from your posts and the courage you have as a mother who has been mother and father to your son. I think you should be celebrated both on mothers day and fathers day. Both of those days should be yours because you, in fact, have been both to him.
I think it's good for you son to realize that regardless of what you don't approve of regarding his dad, that you respect his desire to contact his dad and you won't stand in the way of that out of respect for him (your son.)
But if he's a minor, there's no way in hell I'd let my son be around the creep without you or a trusted person being present.
After all, someone that won't even let his own son to call him "dad" and won't allow anyone to know where he lives, can not be trusted.
It may hurt to have any contact, but your son needs to know the rejection is all from his dad's side, straight from the dad.
Your son will respect you for not bad mouthing the irresponsible jerk, and will likely seek comfort from you when realizing that biological dads are not always something other than biological.
Have you ever watched the film, "Martian Child"?
It's a really great film and the reason these kids lose their fathers or mothers is because they choose their cult, their drug of choice or their other destructive behavior over their child. Not because the child is bad, but because the missing parent just does not realize how stupid they are to be giving up their child like that. He (dead beat dad) missed all the opportunities to have what could have been the greatest relationship in the world for him.
Had he kept his son in the Family and you had not got him back, he still would have missed his son because families don't have normal healthy bonds within TF.
You saved your son from that. One day he will realize this, if he doesn't already.