Posted by excog on July 28, 2012 at 19:23:02
In Reply to: Re: Practical Question about That River in Egypt posted by Perry on July 28, 2012 at 17:44:40:
I don't think the two-by-four comment was so bad - I take it more as a colloquial expression that reflects anova's opinion.
If you were having a coffee with anova and just chatting it would not seem as stark as it does here in writing. We miss some nonverbal channels on these pages with text only.
Of course, Tina is not responsible for what her mother did or does.
On the other hand, anybody in their 30's who was raised in the TFI
-- has read the Heaven's Girl and Life with Grandpa
-- has watched Ricky Rodriguez suicide note on video, and
-- is familiar with the never ending series of denials and disclaimers issued for years to discredit people who only wanted to tell the factual truth of what takes place in damaging cults.
I think it would be appropriate (or desirable?) to acknowledge the factual truth of what took place. But do they owe that to anyone in public? I am sure there are different viewpoints concerning this, and I could think of a few.
Everyone is free to use as much cognitive dissonance as they need in coming to terms with their own past and their own family. I suspect there is more of that than would transpire just by posting on this board. There is often a difference between private and public behavior.
I also understand there are people who will never get it, like the mother described above.
While it is possible to care and love for someone who is incapable of coming to terms with our history (and really "love" us), I find it can be very (re-)traumatizing to be very close to such people. It is important to keep some sort of safe distance to be able to attend to one's healing. That takes time.
I figure each person negotiates these difficult familial relationships the best they can, trying to strike a balance (or a difficult dance) between the need to avoid more losses, care and rebuild, and the need to heal from a legacy of fundamentalism, abuse, and secrecy.
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