I Hate God


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Posted by CB on February 10, 2012 at 20:55:53

I don't really, truly hate God, but I will confess to being extremely angry with God right now. I'm downright furious, and I thought that posting under a subject line like "I hate God" would surely to push a few buttons. This is my homage to all the drama generated by an announcement like "God hates me." Why not use psychologically loaded language to dump my rage on a few innocent bystanders? My good friend who is dying of cancer always told me I had a talent for pushing buttons.

When I first responded to IFT's post "God hates me," all I could think about is my dying friend. She grew up in TFI. She was raped, beaten, abandoned, used, discarded, and vilified. She overcame enormous disadvantage and survived. She did not achieve much in the way of worldly honor--such as advanced education--but she did some remarkable things to advance the world's understanding of child abuse and the issues faced by children who grow up in cults. Not just TFI. She blazed a trail that has helped people who were raised in all sorts of high demand organizations.

It isn't right that after all she suffered as a child and young adult in the name of "God" that she should end up with terminal cancer. A very painful, virulent cancer, I should add. My friend doesn't whine about the rotten hand that she's been dealt in life or presume that God hates her because so few good things have come her way. She's spent too much time in recovery to get stuck in a hall full of mirrors now that she's dying. She simply concluded quite some time ago that there cannot be a God. She'll sometimes say she hopes she's wrong about that, but she's just seen no evidence to the contrary. To be honest, I totally see her point.

I am very, very sad about this situation. I am also very, very angry with God, and I am short on patience with people who seem to want to wallow in self-pity. Or play mind games with the shadows of forgotten ancestors. Heroic souls are dying, passing from our midst like flies. For what purpose? Good people seem to be little more than prey animals, fresh kill for the lions of disease, injustice, and brutality.

I am simply fed up. That's all. "It is not the dead who praise God, nor those who go down in silence." I will not go down in silence. I will not go on any longer without screaming my protest to God within the hearing of anyone who cares to listen.




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