The Family / Children of God

Internal Publications and Secret Directives

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[WEBMASTER'S NOTE: The text version below, epecially from paragraph 40 onwards, contains errors due to earlier limitations in scanning and OCR technology. This text will be proofed at a later date]


       1. ALL THOSE YEARS THAT WE LIVED AND PLAYED AND WORKED TOGETHER, I NEVER EVEN DREAMED OF HAVING SEX WITH MY OWN MOTHER! We had a beautiful intimate spiritual relationship beyond compare, and certainly beyond anything of mere fleshly sex. I never even though of having sex with her, that was below my conception of my mother and here great spirituality and marvellous ministry for the Lord. That was, in those days, seemingly beneath the higher plane of our spiritual relationship, virtually unthought of, certainly unheard of.
       2. THE ONLY TIME I EVER FELT SEXY WITH MY MOTHER AT ALL was once when we were travelling and rooming together and the poor penny-pinching pastor of the church where we were holding a meeting had rented us a room in a rooming house with only one big double bed in which we both were having to sleep!
       3. I WAS A GROWN TEENAGER ABOUT 19, OR PERHAPS 20, AND SHE WAS A MIDDLE-AGED BUT CHARMING WOMAN OF AROUND 55 AT THE TIME. We were very busily engaged in the Lord's service together, travelling alone together because my father had said he was too old and too tired and had quit the evangelistic road to settle down to a business of his own in California. & . SHE AND I WERE HOLDING THIS MEETING FOR A SMALL ALLIANCE CHURCH IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA, I believe the name of the town was San Raphael or San Simeon or something like that. The preacher had a very small church, the crowds were very small and it rained nearly all the time. The pastor's wife was in the hospital so he was attempting to cook for us, and the meals were very meager. In fact, we later found out that the people were bringing in plenty of food, but he was storing the canned goods and non-perishables under his bed for future use while he nearly starved us!
       5. BUT ONE COLD NIGHT WE WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER IN THIS BIG DOUBLE BED THAT HE HAD RENTED FOR US, and which rather shocked us when we first saw the room! But we hardly dared complain, knowing how poor he was and what a small pastorate he had and the he probably couldn't afford separate rooms, or even hardly a room with separate beds. So we just accepted it, and I slept a bit self-consciously and uncomfortably with my mother.
       6. AND ONE COLD NIGHT WE WOKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH NO HEAT, AND QUITE COLD. Apparently I must have been stirring and my mother must have been cold and realized that I was cold too, so suddenly in almost an impulsive movement, she threw her arms around me and snuggled up to me real tight! My back was to her at the time. I was lying on my right side, and she on her right side, so that as she embraced me and pulled me close against her bosom, she tucked her knees up under my knees and wrapped her body around mine!
       7. I THINK SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT, BRRR, IT'S COLD IN HERE, ISN'T IT?, as though to explain why she was doing it, something she'd never done before in my whole life that I can remember, at least not since I was a baby or very small, that she'd ever held me in her arms like that and snuggled up to me, certainly not after I was a full-grown man, and never before, in the same bed together! Of course, we'd never slept together before either. My father was gone to his business way down in Southern California, and this was far up in Northern California; she and I were alone, travelling and working together, and in this one time that I can recall in our whole lives, sleeping together.
       8. MY FIRST REACTION WAS ABSOLUTE ALMOST TERRIFIED SHOCK to think that my mother would get so close to me and wrap her arms around me and her very body around mine in such an almost seemingly sexual embrace! It certainly was a loving embrace and affectionate, and perhaps she meant nothing by it whatsoever except to try to get warm and get me warm in this freezing cold room in rainy Northern California. But I think for the first time in my life I had sexual feeling about my mother!
       9. AND IN THOSE DAYS WHEN VERY YOUNG, I WAS QUITE VIRILE AND POTENT and I can remember that just having her snuggle and feeling her warm soft body against mine, her bosoms against my back, although she had on a nightgown, a very thin nightgown, she was still a beautiful woman even at 55, charming, and attractive, and with her bosoms against my back and her arms wrapped around me and almost her legs wrapped around me, I suddenly got quite an electric sexual jolt that I had never expected before, and I was almost immediately erect!
       10. I REMEMBER MY HEART WAS POUNDING AND I WAS ACTUALLY SO EMBARRASSED THAT I DON'T RECALL SAYING A WORD! I think I was almost stunned speechless and even horrified that maybe my mother was having sexual thought about me! - which she may have been, for all I know, and I wouldn't blame her! Her husband had not been living with her for a long time then and she was a woman with a lot of drive, of Jewish background, and Jewesses are notoriously very sexy, and here she was sleeping in bed with a strong virile young man, right next to him on a cold night, and now wrapped around him trying to get warm! She surely must have had some small sensation, if not more, even as I
       11. AND PERHAPS IF I HAD NOT BEEN SO CONSERVATIVE AND EXTREMELY NARROW-MINDED, IN MY THEOLOGY AND RELIGION AT THAT TIME and so absolutely frightened by my mother's seeming abandon at the moment, I might have reacted a little bit more responsively and perhaps have satisfied both of us and our mutual tremendous sexual needs, and it could have developed into a beautiful sexual relationship!
       12. WE WERE BOTH ALREADY SPIRITUALLY IN LOVE; I loved her very dearly, the dearest woman on earth to me at that time, and I was the dearest man on earth to her. I had been more faithful to her than her own husband, and worked with her, taken care of her, supported her, driving her big limousines and traveled with her for tens of thousands of miles and for years, since I was a 16 year old teenager and could get a license to drive.
       13. WE HAD A VERY BEAUTIFUL MARVELLOUS WONDERFUL MUTUAL SPIRITUAL AND FILIAL RELATIONSHIP which was beyond what any actual fleshly sex could ever have been! Nevertheless, such a beautiful close and intimate oneness in spirit can often develop into, and almost always does eventually, a very close physical relationship, including sex.
       14. AND I THINK THAT THAT ACTUALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE IN OUR CASE if it had not been for our mutual abhorrence of such things as being evil and wrong and displeasing to God, according to our theology and doctrinal interpretations of the time, and the teaching of our Church, and the strong inhibitions which we both had along these lines, perhaps I, even more than she.
       15. SHE HAD ONCE BEEN A WOMAN OF THE WORLD AND HAD HAD HER FLING, been reared a millionaire's daughter and was travelling Europe by the time she was a teenager, loving to later spend her nights at the music halls of Paris with outstanding and famous socialites and performing stars, or gamble all night in the casinos of Monte Carlo!
       16. SHE HAD ONCE BEEN A VERY WORLDLY AND GODLESS WOMAN WHO PROCLAIMED HERSELF AN ATHEIST until her accident in which her back was broken and she was in bed and in a wheelchair for five years, and then so miraculously supernaturally saved through it all and marvelously healed, raised up virtually from her deathbed overnight to give her testimony and preach the Gospel with my father's help, who was already a minister of a Christian church.
       17. THE SOON LAUNCHED INTO FULL-TIME EVANGELISM TOGETHER to the horror of their conservative Disciples of Christ superiors, and even the chagrin of my millionaire grandfather who was quite conservative and considered that they had suddenly become "holy rollers" and turned Pentecostal, just because they preached healing and practiced it, faith healers as you might say.
       18. SO THEY WERE SOON CAST OUT OF THEIR OWN FORMER DENOMINATION AND JOINED THE CHRISTIAN MISSIONARY ALLIANCE, a much more spiritual missionary-minded group who did believe in things of the Spirit, gifts of the Spirit, and particularly were strong on healing, everything of the Spirit except tongues. They were not very favourable toward that particular gift which was rampant in the great Pentecostal outpouring of the day. So although they had much fellowship with the Pentecostals, they never actually joined them but stayed in their more conservative Alliance denomination.
       19. HOWEVER, MY MOTHER HAD VIRTUALLY ALL THE GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT, including certain healing powers which she manifested and practiced and which were a great blessing to hundreds of dear ones who were healed and thousands who were saved under her loving ministry of the Gospel for many years!
       20. AND LATER AS I GREW OLDER, A YOUNG TEENAGER, I often traveled with her to keep her company. My father would stay at home and pastor the church, the great tabernacle that by that time she had built in Miami, Florida, seating 5,000 people and for awhile full every night in the days of the Great Miami Revival led by her and my father and many other great men of God and preachers of the Gospel during the Miami boom days just before the Great Crash and the Great Hurricane.
       21. BUT IT WAS AFTER THE GREAT HURRICANE AND THE BOOM BURST AND THE CROWDS FELL OFF, down to a mere few hundreds instead of 5.000 every night, just a few hundred every Sunday and a few nights of the week, that my mother began to get the point that steady pastoring in one location was not really her calling. The Lord was blowing on it and burst her bubble, like the boom, and she felt again called to go out on the road in evangelistic meetings. One after the other, various preachers would be left behind, assistant pastors to minister to the flock, but almost every one of them tried to steal the church away from her, so finally she got to leaving my father behind instead to hang on to the church.
       22. THEN ONE OF THE LEADERS OF HER DENOMINATION, ONE OF HER OWN CONVERTS who had been saved and healed under her ministry, a multi-millionaire who had risen to the top of the directorial board of her denomination finally coveted her pastorate, and that was the end of it. They foreclosed on that great Tabernacle in Miami and he ordered them legally to get out. So her own denomination virtually threw her out, along with my father and most of the crowd, who in fact went with us over to the high school auditorium next door where I was a junior high school student at the time, at the age of 14 or 15.
       23. WE EVENTUALLY MOVED TO A SMALLER BUILDING RIGHT DOWNTOWN ACROSS FROM THE MIAMI COURTHOUSE, OUTSIDE OF A DENOMINATION, AND CALLED IT THE CHURCH OF THE OPEN DOOR. But it was a very small work with very small crowds. The crowds had dwindled down, her popularity had faded and the Lord was putting the squeeze on to try to get her out in evangelistic work again, which was her first calling and the calling wherein she was called and in which she was to abide. As I've told the story before, the Lord used many different things and people and events to more or less foreclose on her Himself and squeeze her out of Miami, the final even being persecution by the leading Jewish communistic City Father, who were by this time running the city!
       24. SO MY FATHER GOT DISCOURAGED AND LEFT HER AND WENT TO CALIFORNIA under the auspices of his rich elder sister who set him up in business in Long Beach, California, and my mother finally gave up on Miami. Although she had once said, like Queen Elisabeth the First said of Calais, France: "If you would scratch my heart, you'd find Miami written there!" She love the beauty of the Tropics and it was a great life while it lasted.
       25. GOD'S CALLINGS ARE NOT ALL THE SAME, but His gifts and callings for you are usually without repentance and without change, so you'd better stick to the job that God has called you to, or no matter what else you try to do for the Lord, no matter how good it may be, such as her great pastorate in Miami and great buildings and great popularity, she was the Amy Semple McPherson of Miami for many years, none of these things will ever satisfy and none of these things will ever last if it's not the highest calling that God has called you to! PTL!
       26. SO SHE AND I FLED MIAMI TOGETHER BY THE TIME I WAS 16 YEARS OF AGE AND HAD A DRIVER'S LICENSE and could drive her big heavy limousines that she loved to ride in because she said they were easier on her poor broken back, which, although healed, God has for some reason never grown the vertebrae back into her backbone which had been removed by that original operations many years before.
       27. SO HER BACKBONE AND SPINAL CORD WERE COVERED MERELY BY CARTILAGE which had grown over the cord of its protection in God's marvellous natural healing processes of the amazing human body, as well as His supernatural healing, so that she was able to once again stand erect and carry on a very vigorous and strenuous work and ministry with a lot of drive and a lot of talent and tremendous gifts and marvellous ministry and great blessings of God! But still her back was quite sensitive and she liked to ride a big car that had, she said lesser vibration and fewer bumps and was more comfortable. And they were, that's true. Larger heavier cars do ride more firmly and more steadily and the riding comfort is better with the weight to support.
       28. SO SHE AND I BEGAN TRAVELLING ALONE TOGETHER AT MY AGE OF 16, AND SHE WAS ABOUT 51 AT THE TIME, so that by the time this event occurred of which I'm telling you today, we had been travelling together for about three or four years almost constantly, when otherwise I would have been in high school. And I missed those years of high school and had to make them up much later.
       29. BUT I NEVER REGRETTED IT AND NEVER HAVE AND NEVER SHALL, BECAUSE THEY WERE SOME OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL YEARS OF MY LIFE, travelling with my beautiful and wonderful marvellous inspired and spiritual mother, and sitting under her great teaching and example and ministry, watching her work, and from whom I learned probably most of everything I know, along with much of the teaching that I'd also already had from my father, and also even from my great grandfather preacher.
       30. BUT I NEVER HAD SUCH FEELINGS AS THIS FOR HER, so as I lay there almost frozen with fright, as well as the cold, and felt my body growing warmer and my penis erect, I was ashamed of myself and the feelings I was having, as well as being a little ashamed of my poor mother, although my own mind was doing my best to try to excuse her, that she was doing it because she was really cold and that I was cold and she was trying to get me warm as well, so I was trying not to blame her.
       31. I FELT AT THE TIME SHE DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT SHE WAS DOING TO ME, BUT WHO KNOWS? MAYBE SHE DID! Maybe she longed for sex as much as I needed it at that time, an older teenager, well-ready for sex and marriage but having been denied it by higher priorities of His work and my duties to my mother and her ministry to which God had called me, and which I was never to leave according to His calling until she virtually quit the ministry, or at least the evangelistic road, which did not actually occur until I was 25 and had a wife and began having four children!
       32. OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS NOT COMPLETELY BROKEN UNTIL AFTER I WAS MARRIED AND HAD THREE CHILDREN AND WAS 30 YEARS OF AGE IN 1949, just before the birth of Hosea, our third child. We had two already and this was her excuse for letting me go and telling me we could no longer work with her and she could no longer afford to keep us in her ministry, because she was having so few meetings and getting tired and old and wanted to quit the road.
       33. SO MY MOTHER AND FATHER HAD SENT ME OFF TO COLLEGE IN THAT TINY TRAILER and $25 a week to live on, which was not very much, and that was almost the end of our ministry together. Except that later after my pastorate and the other two children had been born and were beginning to serve the Lord themselves and singing and quoting Scriptures so beautifully, my mother suddenly saw the tremendous attraction of the children, whom she had at first thought were a liability but now had become quite an asset, and invited us to join her in a few more meetings, both in Southern California and far away in Pennsylvania and Florida, etc. So we did! And for those last few years it was a very interesting relationship. My father had rejoined her and we were all travelling together then.
       34. BUT I, HAVING PASTORED AND ALSO TAUGHT SCHOOL FOR TWO OR THREE YEARS AND HAVING VIRTUALLY JOINED THE SOUL CLINIC, WE JUST DIDN'T SEEM TO GET ALONG TOGETHER ANYMORE. We differed too greatly on how the Gospel should be preached and on various doctrinal points. She was particularly antagonistic toward my boss Fred Jordan and I think jealous of his hold on me and that I admired him so greatly and that it seemed to her I was following his teaching now more than her own.
       35. SO HAVING HELD OUR LAST MEETING TOGETHER IN MIAMI, FLORIDA, WE HAD IT OUT, AND I BEGGED HER TO STAY AND HELP ME FOUND MY LITTLE MISSIONARY SOUL CLINIC SCHOOL THERE. But she flatly refused to have anything to do with Fred Jordan or the Soul Clinic, and if I insisted on sticking with them, to have anything to do with me! She and my father flounced off alone on their own and left us there stranded in Miami, and I almost never forgave her for that!
       36. WITH ALL OF HER FRIENDS THERE IN THE MIAMI AREA I HAD HOPED GREATLY TO HAVE HER ASSISTANCE in founding a Soul Clinic there, but she refused to have anything to do with it and left us far behind. So we were stranded and in a rather sad state during which I had to get various secular jobs in order to be self-supporting. Until finally the Lord helped us to launch out by faith and we founded our little Soul Clinic School and trained all those soul-winning students and sent out those soul-winning missionaries, all the story of which you've heard before!
       37. BUT AS YOU RECALL, SHE WAS TO RETURN AGAIN TO US AND TRAVEL WITH US FOR THOSE LAST YEARS OF HER LIFE, 1966 and '67 when we took that trip of 10,000 Miles of Miracles from the Ranch in Texas, TSC, clear across the U.S. into Canada and over to the Montreal World's Fair and then down into New Your, eventually to Miami, and then across the sea into the Bahamas, then all the way back to California again, a long story which I have already related, during which we had many marvellous supernatural miracles of revelation, tongues, interpretation, prophecies and direct daily moment-by-moment, step-by-step leading of the Lord through my mother, now called Grandmother.
       38. SHE VIRTUALLY REDEEMED HERSELF COMPLETELY and was surely making up for her desertion of us in Miami so many years before. In fact, it had been about 10 years before. But this time my young children were grown teenagers and serving the Lord very zealously in personal witnessing and singing and quoting Scriptures and going out everywhere they could find teenagers to win to the Lord, outside of the churches, but bringing the message then into the churches they could do it too, which some received rather cheerfully and enthusiastically, and other very coldly and bitterly turned down and resented us, showing up how failing they were as Christians.
       39. BUT IT WAS SHE THEN WHO LED US TO CALIFORNIA AND INTO THE MINISTRY WITH THE HIPPIES, AND FINALLY RETIRED FROM THE FRAY INTO HEAVEN while we were there, and turned the torch over to us. We received the mantle of her anointing and her power and the ministry that she wanted us to have then with the youth of the day, which is YOU of today! - you who have followed us since then and joined us since then and have gone on with the Lord, as she went on to be with the Lord!

[WEBMASTER'S NOTE: From this point on the text contains some errors due to earlier limitations in scanning and OCR technology. This will be corrected at a later date]

       40. SO THAT THERE IN HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA, SURFING C/PITAL OF THE WORLD, WE HAD THE LITTLE LIGHT CLUB MISSION FOR HIFPIES & BEGAN THE FAMILY, WHICH WAS FIRST CALLED TEENS FOR CHRIST* Then as we got out of the teen age, we became known as the Children of God & much later the Family of Love. And today I think some call us the Children of Love, a nice combination of both names!
       41- ANYHOW, IN ALL THOSE MARVELLOUS YEARS OF HER MINISTRY & OUR MINISTRY TOGETHER, I NEVER HAD ANY SEXUAL THOUGHTS A90UT MY M3THER except that one night In bed together when she wrapped herself around me, supposedly to get me warm & herself warm from the freezing cold, & I was shocked & amazed & ashamed of myself & somewhat of her, but excusing her due to the fact that it really was cold & we were both freezing!
       42. ANYHOU REMEMBER LYING AWAKE, NOT SAYING A WORD FOR NEWLY AN HOUR IN MY FRIGHT-I guess I was afraid I might do something, or she might do more-until finally, apparently warmed & comforted & relaxed, I must have gone back to sleep. We hardly said a word together, although she snuggled up & squeezed me & kept squeezing me & loving me & being very sweet & affectionate. It could have all been rarely a matter of just pure platonic love, I started to say puritanical love!-Not puritanical by any means, but It was our puritanical consciences & religion & Church-upbringing which probably prevented us from doing anything more.
       43. ANYHOW, I'D NEVER HAD ANY SEXUAL THOUGHTS OR FEELIN3S TOWARD MY KJTHER EVER BEFORE OR SINCE, actually until I this dream this morning. I do remember seeing her all naked in "The Bicycle Dream" (No.1294) & others (Nos.266 & 785) though somewhat plump & almost middle-aged, thinking that she was quit© pretty, & admiring her beauty, but still not sexily. But anyway, in this dream that I had this morning, things were quite different, very, different! Hallelujah! TYJI PTL! He gave it, so I have got to receive it, whether you like it or not!
       44. IN THE DREW I SEBCD TO BE DIVING OR FALLING OUT OF HEAVEN LIKE SUPEH-WI TO CATCH HER AS SHE FELL OUT OF THIS TALL BUILDING, apparently pushed off by some people at the top.-Such a marvellous parallel & simile or allegory, parable of the actual history of her Iife as she was pushed out of her pastorate by her own denominational superiors & tumbled to the seeming depths into which I came to rescue her, as she nearly hit bottom!
       45. BUT AS I SWOOPED TO CATCH HER IN MY ARMS, I shouted at the people on the balconies that we were passing, as though she seemed a 1ittle heavy for me to carry. We were sinking fast, as though I were trying to fly but found her quits a heavy load, so I shouted to them to grasp my hand. I said, PIease take my hand! Help us!" But they just locked at us sort of surprised, like they were In shock, sore of them just unconcerned & almost sneering & cold & Indifferent & just let us pass by without even reaching out a hand to help us!
       46. SO HE FELL TOGETHER, HER CLINGIN3 VERY TIGHTLY TO ME, & I recall that I had a very nice feeling about her clinging so closely to me! In my dream she was again young & very beautiful, charming, slim, & again for some reason or other in a thin nightgown! I had this morning. In this dream, for the second time again in my life, a warm glowing sexual feeling toward her, even as we were failing through the air I Ike in a free-fall, or falling free of this towering skyscraper which she had been pushed off of by those at the top!-So similarly to the way she had been pushed out of her denomination, which was of course System & a part of the System.
       47. APPARENTLY THE WHOLE BUILDING REPRESENTED THE SYSTEM, including System Churchianity & Church buildings, but I had suddenly, as though ]'d dropped out of the sky, core to her rescue Iike Superman & caught her & bore her in my arms, & she clung tightly to ma as a drowning man to a straw, as her last hope of salvation!
       48. N0RMN.LY IN SUCH A DREAM, THAT'S THE POINT AT WHICH YOU WKE UP, JUST AFTER YOU HAVE FALEN OFF THE TOP OF THE BUILDING or the top of the dan or out of the tree or from sorre great height of some kind, the top of a wal I or top of a cl Iff-I 'm sure you've all had that experience In dreams-but normally In dreams you newer hit bottom, did you ever notice that? It always frightens you so that It wakes you up before you hit bottom.
       49. THERE'S SOCTHING ABOUT THE PSYCHOLOGY CF DREWS) that although in some of these nightmares that are probably from the Enemy, you falI, but they so terrify you, the fal 1 so frightens you, that, though frightened & perhaps even screaming, you wake up thinking you're still falling & so thankful to find yourself still alive & safely tucked in bed & not about to hit bottom!
       50. SO ANYHW, ALTHOUGH I SEEMED TO HAVE SOMEWHAT THE POWER OF A SUPERMAN OR ANGEL, I WAS STRUGGLING NOT TO FALL TOO HEAVILY-It was like In a freefall wT+h these famous skydivers & parachutists-4 we care to a soft landing amongst SOTTB bushes In a beautiful garden, which I'm Inclined to call the Garden of Lovel For there as we thankfully landed safe & sound in those bushes surrounded by this lovely Garden of Love, she clung even tighter to me & I to \ier, & apparently we made love for the first time in our I Ives!
       51. OF COURSE IT WAS A DREAM & IT WAS ONLY SYMBXIC OF THE CLOSE RELATIONSHIP IN THE SPIRIT THAT WE'D HAD FOR MWY YEARS as we worked closely together, but as I say, I'm sure that It could have been possible that it could have had a sexual fulfilment, If we had ever had such an inclination. We had plenty of opportunity & perhaps even some InclInation, but our religious inhibitions forbade It.
       52. BUT HERE ON THE FLCWERY EED CF LOVE IN THE GARDEN OF LOVE OUR LOVE WAS FINALLY FULFILLED! Maybe that's going to be [n the Mi Ilennlum when finally we shalI "know even as also we are known" & a lot of things wi 11 be different & better & "against such love there is no law." "All things are lawful unto ire," the Apostle said, "even though alI things now are not expedient." (1Co.l3:12; Ga.5:23; 1Co.6:12.) They wJJJ be then, because we111 all understand better then.
       53. I CAN IMAGINE THAT THEN, PERHAPS THE LOVE THAT I HAD FOR MY MDTHER COULD CERTAIM_Y ELOSSCM into an even closer relationship sexually If we are so inclined. For as you know, there is sex in Heaven! Not marriage, we shal! be I ike the angels of God, but angels had sex with the daughters of men & still do with tie!-Female angels, thank God! (Mt.22:30; Ge.6:2.)
       54. SO I KNOW IT'S POSSIBLE & PROBABLE & WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE FULFILLED IN THOSE HEAVENLY REALMS IN THE NEXT LIFE in the Spirit, as well as in the flesh, when we will have our resurrected bodies which are bodies of flesh & bone as Jesus had when He was resurrected from the dead. He could eat. He even cocked for the disciples once, & He could drink. He had Thomas feel His scars to assure himself that It was He, Jesus, that He'd real ly been resurrected from the dead. He said, "Feel Ms, touch Me, see that it Is I, Myself, for a spirit hath not flesh & bones as ye see Me have!" CLk.24:39.)
       55. SO WE WILL HAVE A SUPERNATURAL MIRACULOUS RESURRECTED FCfM CF FLESH & SPIRIT COMBINED, in a new supernatural body, however, which will have remarkable supernatural powers as Jesus did when He was resurrected, disappearing & appearing & walking through locked doors, through solid walls etc., & being transported from place to place with seemingly the speed of t-hought, & great powers of protection against our enemies! What a wonderful day that wl 11 be!-And great love for each other, perhaps even greater than before & more than we have enjoyed heretofore!
       56. ANYWAY, AFTER THIS VERY SWEET A BEAUTIFUL & PIKE L0VIN3 SCENE IN THE GARDEN OF LOVE, I led my Mother by the hand down this long tunnel of shrubbery which was like the Tunnel of Love that some of you have seen in soms of those fairs & amusenent parks etc., & there was a railroad track on the ground through this Tunnel of Love, much as there is In son© of those tunnels at the amusement parks, & along which the little cars roll In which you're riding.
       57. IT SEEMED THAT WE WERE FLEEING FRCH A SYSTEM OR SYSTEMITES, & yet we were fleeing back In the direction of the building from which she had fallen! And my Mother did, In her later years, go back to her denomination & rejoin, & seemed to somewhat cool off from her former revolutionary fervor which she'd had when she broke away & came all-out for the Lord, regardless of Churchianity & denominational Ism.
       58. BUT AS WE WERE FLEE INS ALONG THIS TUNNEL OF SHRUBBERY, SUDDENLY WE HEARD THIS TRAIN OWING & we quickly stepped aside & let it rush past us, a beautiful streamlined silvery rocket train that went so fast that It reminded we of the superfast supertratns of today wltti which they're experimenting, & we were thankful to get out of the way as we resumed our Journey up the track toward the building.
       59. THIS ALSO REMINDS ME OF HOW MY MOTHER & I, IN A SENSE, STEPPED ASIDE FR" THE GREAT PENTECOSTAL REVIVAL, both of her early days & my early days, & failed to get caught up in them or joined officially to any Pentecostal denomination. These great spiritual revolutions had therefore sort of passed us by In their moving speed & emotionalism, & we were rattier grateful that we were not on them & certainly not struck down by them or overwhelmed by than. We seemed to keep our feet on the ground & continued to struggle along through the tunnel toward the end of the IIne where there seared to be a train station.
       60. AND THERE FLOCKS CF YOUNG PECPLE BEGAN RUSHING OUT OF THE BASE OF THE BUILDING, rushing toward us & the train station, ye 11 Ing & excited, saying they wanted to get on the train & ride wltti us! Because now it seemed that X had a train of which J. was the engineer!-A beautiful shiny silvery-streak streamlined train sitting there In the station ready to go!
       61. AMD I SAID, "BUT FIRST YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE A TICKETl" So the/ began getting tickets rapidly there in the station- which, of course, is symbolic of Salvation & the starting point in your spiritual life, being born-agaln there at tt>e Station of Salvation & boarding the Gospel Train of our spiritual youth revolution, the Jesus Revolution, which we led & helped to engineer with the help of the Lord!
       62. AND AS I WAS VERY VERY BUSY PASSING OUT TICKETS TO THESE YOUTH WHO WERE CUMINS EXCITEDLY ABOARD & t+irl lied & talking & everything was a great hubbub-it reminded rre of the early days of our Revolution for sure-suddenly my Mother seemed to vanish!-Just as she did at that time when she went home to be with the Lord In that last year of her I Ife, Just as we were beginning our ministry wttti the hippies, with the youth of the World! So it was synchronised in ttie drean in typology or symbol ism, just exactly in parallei to the real IIfe drama that went on in our own history!
       63. SO KJTHER DISAPPEARED & WE ALL CLIMB) ABOARD THE REVOLUTIONARY STREAKER & we rol led away & streaked out through the night of this old World in a fast-rrovlng Spiritual Revolution of our own, until now we have circled ttte Glebe & have gained tens of thousands of disciples & preached the Gospel in over a hundred countries +o ml 11 ions & had ml 11 Ions saved, over five mi 11 ion converts as of now In our 14th year since we first began the Jesus Revolution way back in 1968 & '69!
       64. AMD SO AS WE WHIZZED AWAY TOGETHER, YOU & I ON OUR GREAT REVOLUTIONARY RACER, I WOE UP!-HARD!-Sti 11 ttiinklng about my Mother & amazed that I shou I d have had such a sexua I dream about her & should have such actual physical feelings toward herl-So strong that when I woke I was stiff & erect & feel ing very sexy!
       65. AMD AS SHE ALWAYS DOES, DEAR MARIA AWCKE TCO1 She always awakes when 1 do & when i even move, Instantly she's awak3 & wanting to know what I'm doing & where I'm going, am I getting up, etc. etc. Well, I wasjjg all right, & with her usual charming & sexy beauty & body, she minis-tered to this needy soul & my hungry flesh, & we consummated the sexualIty of It together! HAL!
       66. AND SUDDENLY AS I WAS JUST REACHING THE ORGIASTIC PEAK OF THE SUPREME SEXUAL THRILL OF THE ORGASM-which to me Is always very spiritual & I'm almost always speaking In tongues, sometimes getting Interpretations--! suddenly began to speak In tongues! And although I didn't get the fulI clear interpretation, i did get enough to know I was talking about my Mother & making love to my Mother & thrilling with her love on both a sexual plane as well as a higher spiritual plane, the spiritual ecstasy far surpassing that of the physical!
       67. AND AS I DID SO, SUDDENLY MARIA BECAME MY MOTHER & I was literally making love to my Mother & I exploded! Maria was Mother again! And as the tidal wave subsided & I began to sort of corns to my senses, I suddenly realised that In the spirit & as well as virtually in the flesh, I had, In making love to Maria, had actually made love In the spirit to my Mother, as well as It seamed in the flesh, because Maria seemed to be Mother!
       68. AM) 1 TOLD THIS TO MARIA, I SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S A FUNNY THINS, BUT AS I WAS REACHING AN ORGASM & FINALLY EX-PLCOED, YOU WERE MY MOTHER! It was almost I ike you were a reincarnation of my Mottier & that suddenly you were my Mother in the spirit as well as the flesh, young & beautiful like you, sexy, sexually active, thrilling & exciting & marvellous & as wonderful as ! could dream, & now have dreamed, that my Mottier could be & could have been!"
       69. AMD WRIA SUDDENLY PIPED UP & SAID, "WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S A FUNNY THING, BUT SOCONE ASKED THE OTHER DAY WHO MY SPIRITUAL HELPER WAS!"--And suddenly It just darned on both of us that here it was my Motiier & she was I ike my Mother reincarnated En young vigorous lithe youthful flesh, beautiful!-A young Jesus Revolutionary of the new fast-moving-I almost said Red Rocket, sore people accuse us of being Red-train of the Jesus Revolution!
       70. SO WE BOTH IMMEDIATELY BEGAN TO EXCITEDLY DISCUSS TOGETtCR THE PROBABILITY THAT MT MOTHER IS MARIA'S SPIRITUAL HELPERl And why not? My Matter was my greatest spiritual helper at I my I Ife, & now having gone to be with the Lord, she could have easily cane back again to inspire & possess Maria to continue -to be my spiritual helper, & even my sexy physical lover as we 11, like Maria!
       71. MARIA & I HAVE A TRB€ND0USLY BEAUTIFUL INTIMATE PUHELY SPIRITUAL RELATIONSHIP, AS WELL AS AN EXCITING THRILLING ORGIASTIC PHYSICAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP! So it was almost in the end as though Maria was the fulfilment of it al I & the fulfilment of my sexual dream about my Mother, & that, In a sense, she was & is my Mottier today, possessed of my Mother, inspired by my Mott>er, led & thril led & guided by my Mother as her spiritual guide & helper!
       72. SO WHY NOT?-THE TWO GREATEST WCMEN IN MY LIFE, MY MOTHER A MY WIFE, my principal wife, both the greatest sources of my spiritual Inspiration becoming a physical Inspiration as welI, & satisfying my every need, both spiritual & physical, as well as ministerial, because we work togettier as closely as I ever did with my Mother & even much closer.
       73. SO PERWS IT'S BECAUSE SHE IS MY MOTHER IN THE SPIRIT! She certainly does mother rre, 8. as every wife & ma-te should be, Is both a mother & a sister & a ma-te & a daughter ¦to her husband or mate. And Maria is al I of these to TO! PG! TYJ! My Mother was certainly a mother to rre, & she was virtual ly a sister to ma as we worked together, but she was never a sexual mats nor did I ever feet as though she were my daughter & that I fa+tiered her.
       74. E"T IN THIS DREAM I CERTAIM.Y FELT A MWELLOUS RELATIONSHIP FAR BEYOND ANYTHING WE H*D EVER EXPERIENCED IN THIS WORLD & perhaps symbolIc or even a sample of what we can experience In the nextl Surely the thri11 ing combination of Mother & Maria makes a Mother-Maria dreem-glrl beyond my wildest imaginations!-But best of all, all true! HAL! TYJ! GB'm bottii I 'm In love with both of them!-Thanks, Mother! That's terrific! I love you forever!-In Jesus' Nane, anen.- Have you. had the thril I of sex in the spirit, Beloved? It can inspire you to greater heights than ever before! "Greater things than these shall ye do!M CJn.14:12) PTL! TYJ!-In Jesus' Name, aien.

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