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In Reply to: Re: Trust and Trained Liars posted by Texas Ray on July 22, 2002 at 20:09:55:
I remember being in the family at one of those many burn-out stages of mine when a local "revolution" went topsy turvy and all the former leadership were replaced with the "good" ones who often were far worse than the ones they replaced... Anyway, I was in Sweden and stuck at an in-between place, I had been left with the survival stash for me and the 3 kids to subsist on while waiting for a transfer. And this place was hell, walking up several double sets of stairs to the top of the building. New leadership had come through and I had actually written a song which I almost sang to them. It was called "The overall war" and the chorus went something like "but afterall, the overall war; it's the most important by far.." and each verse would get worse until the leader looks around and realizes that "all the sheep had died.." then back into the chorus. In other words, what's the damn purpose of the "overall war" if you kill all your soldiers and civilians? That's all I remember of it because of course it would have been my absolute undoing to have sung that. Then I was rescued and sent to a new school in Denmark that was actually quite nice, then new leadership overturned those leaders. The new ones were very harsh and, well, you know the idea...
I know that the ideal was a far cry from the reality, but I also know that I could not really acknowledge that until I got out. And that took awhile. For every lie there was a seemingly good rationalization. (When under the influence of cult la-la land..) If we told the truth "they wouldn't understand" Outsiders or systemites could only be fed according to their ability to swallow and you "don't give a babe meat". There was also the gypsy spirit guy Abrahim and we were gypsies, so take whatever, it's not stealing, we are gods endtime army and shouldn't have to pay for bus tickets, train rides, etc. One leader even carried an old ticket around with him. If a conductor or fare inspector would come through, he would put it in his mouth and chew it. When the conductor came by he would pull it out and go uh-oh, and of course no one wanted to handle that ticket.... Then there was litnessing with cards that said "Please give a donation, we help people on drugs". It was quite effective. Of course many of us had been on drugs and so we could "honestly" say this. Ultimately, to question authority within the group was an absolute no-no, and even such thoughts were "of the devil". Bottom line, you can't trust someone in the family because just like someone with a heavy addiction to crack or heroin, they are not the original personality speaking. Sometimes one can get vulnerable and let it out a bit, and then hopefully manage to not tell on themselves. Does it make the person evil? No. It makes the personality under the influence of a powerful drug evil though. Once you are out and get it out of your system, the real you can shine through, or maybe even discover oneself for the first time.
I don't know how I would react if someone came up to me to sell a balloon or whatever is done now. I might want to pop them all,or I might want to buy them a cup of tea (or iced-tea here, it's so damn hot)and just say something like "What did you do before this? What was a dream you had as a kid? Did you ever picture yourself doing this...... (kinda like that commercial that says no one ever dreamt of becoming a junkie....)But I wouldn't invite them to my house while they are in, or visit their place for perspiration (oops, I meant "inspiration").
