In Reply to: Jules it is impossible posted by lydia on December 12, 2002 at 11:24:52:
Jules, thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing that letter. It brought tears to my eyes and I have to ask myself why my reaction wasn't more immediate and stronger while I was in the group. When I read what Lydia wrote in response to you, when she talked about her daughter telling her of the abuse that had happened and the rage and heartbreak it brought Lydia, I realized that that was Lydia's conscience and protective instinct as a mother being woken up.
I am very sorry to hear that your parents don't have the same sense of anger and heartbreak when you tell them the abuse you suffered in the group. They should. My post below (about the "Christian factor") was written to just such floating exmembers as them. If they don't read the boards maybe you could send it to them. People who are out physically but still holding their Family worldview together are first and foremost trying to protect their own mind from the awful truth.
It is difficult for me, as an FGA, to understand people who can be out of the Family and live in the normal world full of normal values, and not have things begin to click into place. I believe for most people this has to happen sooner or later. I hope it happens with your parents. I hope that one day their whole facade and dam breaks and the sane sense of outrage and loss and weeping can happen.
Yes, for FGAs to realize they wasted most of their lives is a huge loss, but given the horrific facts of what happened to their children, I would say they need to deal with that jump into nothingness, have their love and parental instincts kick in out of consideration for the trauma their own kids are going through on an ongoing basis. I pray your parents will one day be able to let go of their fear, face their own personal loss and get in touch with their deepest feelings and to feel a profound sense of rage and sorrow for their children.
Letters like yours tell me why I, as a member of the older generation and a Christian, cannot rest while other FGAs are blissfully floating in the placebo of denial. They need to be woken up, if not for their own sakes, then for the sakes of their children.