In Reply to: Disclosure post posted by Rocky on February 02, 2003 at 22:46:27:
Rocky, Thanks for writing this post. I have been thinking about all the divisions when coming to the boards, whichever boards I go to, and thinking about when I first discovered the boards (about a year ago). People who are exers have areas to heal in that do not negate any others healing, but then there is often miscommunication between people for various reasons. The family prays for our disunity. Well, we are not a cult so we are all allowed different opinions, but across the boards, I just wish we could be more supportive of each other as exers. It is true that the most support comes from your own peer group. I just think it is important to note that exers of all ages are dealing with family fall out and that the more we can support each other, the more we can support other groups and be a healing place to come. In doing so, the majority would have to seek a board that would feel safe to all. This would be recovery oriented. I have said things needed to make my own recovery safe, not with the intentions of outcasting or denying anyone elses pain, but have felt ostracised after having done so. Since that time, I really don't feel "safe" on any exer board when it comes to recovery. So when you talk about a safe board, what constitutes that for you? For me, a board for adults would be a place where I could safely deal with the fallout of fam. life with my peers (other exer FG adults). The only issue I have had with the adult board (FG) is that instead of being able to say to an SG that posts, that I am sorry for what they have experienced, that what they experienced was wrong, and to be supportive in what ever way I can, the default (largely) has been to tell them something along the lines of "I chose to join that [whacko sex pervert cult]group and I was stupid to choose to be numbered amongst the perpetrators. Therefore I am the common enemy and I will beat myself for you and confirm what you have always suspected. I don't see this as anything but damaging to all. When it comes to personal fall outs that went public, I also have issue with anyone printing an e-mail on an exer board with my name and address and specifics.
If the real concern is safety for the child, it is better dealt with on a behind the scences level involving authorities. I don't doubt the sincerity of others to protect the child. But what was accomplished by making it public? It would also stand to reason that persons concerned would talk to someone they trusted to get feedback. Which would not be a public arena response, imo. So I hope too that this can be settled privately. I also think it is important to note that in many cases, people leave the fam. (FGs) and seek out something like these boards for support after years of storing their wreckage in the backs of their minds. Some here have had recovery resources for years, and support on boards for years, and I am sure that if what they experienced during their first year on board was lots of blasts when they honestly spoke to an issue, it wouldn't feel safe, either.