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Sticking to the esoteric subject of "love"

Posted by A husband on March 14, 2003 at 12:07:21

In Reply to: glad it is a dialogue after all........ posted by Singleton on March 14, 2003 at 05:47:55:

One thing I've come to realize, after having gone full circle, is how much I despise consumerism in regards to relationships. The fashion industry, hollywood, and all the other favorite targets of blame, constantly put out this message that relationships are disposable. I may be silly, but I've really come to value "for better or worse" and "till death do us part", because I seek a sense of permanance and realiability in my life. I have had my doubts about whether this permanance is achievable, especially in my own life. I tended to think that couples were just 2 people sharing a path and a journey for a while.

My favorite quote about love though is from "Sleepless In Seattle" when meg ryan goes to her shrink with questions about what it was for him when he met his wife. Were there sparks, fireworks, did the earth move? How did he know when it was real love? His professional therapist answer in all seriousness was "what people call true love is actually 2 neuroses which subconciously recognize each other and know they are a perfect match, subconciously"

From reading some of your posts, I think a book you might like is Shakti Gawain's Living In The Light. You don't have to agree with everything, but you may find it helpful. Sure beats the old days when we couldn't even read anything like that and decide for ourselves, doesn't it?

I was in this long relationship that I wrote about, and a few years ago, after the relatinship was holding me back and stagnating, I broke it off. I found myself finally really picking off where I left off, and so many things I was trying to do before I joined were finally coming to me. It was like having a second chance, coming back wiser and stronger, and I was on top of the world. At this time I started to get quite a bit of attention from women again. I think people are attracted to life force, energy, and people who radiate confidence. That was me for a good few years.

Funny thing is, after dealing with being in a proper dedicated exclusive relationship for more than a decade, I found myself living a nineties version of the LOL. No free sex and sharing, no lofty ideals, just serial relationships, and a whole lot of freedom, not caring how people judged me at all, just confident that I knew I was okay. It's almost like after you've "tried everything", done everything from having group sex and all the ideals around free love, and learning what works and what doesn't, you gain a kind of strength and confidence that others don't have. But that confidence and security makes you get even more attention opportunities.

So I came away realizing it's easy to start relationships, it's the easiest thing in the world. I also did away with my mid-life crisis questions, and figured I could still attract women. And I've become very discriminating about who I get involved with. I am in a relationship now, that I described as abusive (emotionally for me) just a few months ago. But as hard as it was, because I stuck around to sort things out, things seem to be working out better now.

Yes, I'm still learning about love. What I do know is love is certainly not what TF teaches. The fact is that I (and maybe there are many like me?) was seacrhing for love, security and validation, in TF. It's quite an indictment to say TF is where all my innocence and ideals about love wee totally destroyed. My present day journey of discovery and learning would be a lot simpler if I wasn't so burned out by that past.

A girlfriend once described me this way: "when soldiers come back from the battlefield and they have that far-away look, you know it's because they've seen things, killed people. You have a far away look in your eyes about love. You're here, you're with me, paying attention, giving and receiving love, but you've done and seen things you shouldn't have. It's written all over you"

Women are the best teachers. The hardest ones too.