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In Reply to: Addressing you concerns posted by Sarafina on October 14, 2006 at 23:54:42:
Answers to questions.
Hi everyone, thank you for all of your replies. I am sorry that I am just getting back to you now. I have been at work all day but I want to take the time to address some of your concerns.
First I want to address a specific comment that was made which said: “If you can say "don't let them take this child from his father", by the same token you should be concerned about the mother. This is her loved child as well. Do you have kids, especially have YOU given birth? This is complicated & not everything is black & white. Either way, it will be devastating for the CHILD to loose one of his parents.”
I want you to know the father did not ultimately want to take this child away from his mother. The father has never spoken bad or attacked the mother in this court case. He already had a prior arrangement with the mother, which they had agreed upon together and that was to share custody of this child. Part of the agreed upon arrangement was that when the child was five years old he would be allowed to attend a public school. During the finalizing of their divorce without providing any prior knowledge to it, the mother filed for full custody, alimony and child support and also noted that she did not intend to send her son public school but rather wished to home school him. She also stated she was part of a missionary group that travels around the world and was interested in moving to Mexico.
Up until that point both parents had agreed that it was important that they both remain in the child's life. It was the mother who took the first step in trying to strip the father of all parental rights.
The father didn't understand why she would do this and after speaking with me about it, I suggested that he should go directly to the home’s leadership. I recommended he speak to them personally about this matter to try to work it out without getting the court involved. They never returned any of his phone calls.
At one point before this had gone to court he had spoken to leadership in that home about the fact that his ex-wife was having sex with her new boyfriend in the same room his child was sleeping. He asked the leadership to please move his son to his own room or not allow this other man to sleep with his son's mother while his son was sharing the same room.
Later on he came across e-mails to his wife from leadership in which they directed her on how to handle the divorce and suggested that she cut off all communication with her ex-husband and encouraged her to file for full custody. When reading these emails he came to understand that his wife was more or less following leadership suggestions rather than thinking for herself. In short, the leadership was meddling in their affairs and not allowing them to work things out between themselves. The father realized that if she was not strong enough to make her own decisions now regarding how their son would be raised, that this is how it would be for the rest of the time his son remained in the family, and as such his ex-wife would not be the one raising his son but the group would be. This is the point he's trying to make.
Someone also mentioned: “But for the rest of us, it is none of our business & this is a personal matter between the child's parents.”
If this were indeed the case I would agree that the matter should be between the child's parents. However this is not the case. The cult is not allowing the parents to settle this between themselves, they have personally gotten involved and are not respecting the decisions that the parents had made together.
Therefore the matter is no longer about whether the mother should raise the child but rather about whether or not the “group” should raise the child. If the child was to live in a family home the mother has no say as to who comes and goes in that home and no say in who teaches or cares for him. We all know that in most homes we have lived in especially larger commune homes parent time is usually scheduled. Which means the child may see his parents on an average of an hour a night and one parent day a week.
The other issue is education, and whether the group can ensure that the child will have a proper education. The issue is the child's future. It's true that some of us were given some education while young but the older we got, the less education we received. Not to mention the bit of education we received was mainly studying Berg's teachings (the MO letters) once most of us were old enough to perform chores we were required to carry adult responsibilities. This consisted from doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, watching children, raising funds support the homes, and other such activities. It is clear that education is not their top priority.
Having said all this the question being presented is this: If having to choose an environment that would ensure the best care, education and the well-being of this child, would it be in a Family home or in this case with his father?
One last thing someone asked: “Has this man shown hostility to the Family that would make them react in such a way?”
The answer to this question is no. Prior to this court case the father has not participated in any negative way toward the Family. He has never been on the MovingOn website or any ex-member forums. For the most part, he was not even aware of the media's involvement. He did not even protest his child living in the small Family home where his ex-wife was staying at the time, so long as he was aware of everyone living there, and was allowed to visit and had full access to his son, along with the understanding that when the child was old enough he would be allowed to attend a public school. The father initially hoped to allow his son to make his own choices, and to have an adequate education that would help him in the future.
As Peter said earlier (please refer to Peters comment below), it is not our decision where the child should be placed. We are only presenting another side of the big picture giving the judge more pieces of the puzzle so that he can have a complete picture and understanding of the situation before making his final decision.
I have known Paul for about five years and I've seen him with his son. He adores his son more than anything in the world. He did not want things to turn out this way, regardless of their differences of opinions and religion he wanted to raise his son with both parents involved in his life. It is very sad for him see the lengths The Family will go to separate parents from their kids. I must admit I was a bit shocked myself to see that they still have no desire to work things out on a personal level.
I hope this answers most of the questions you have asked. As I've mentioned before for those of you who wish to write an affidavit attesting to their upbringing in The Family please e-mail me.
I would like to also extend an invitation to those in The Family home that are involved in this case to explain the reason they feel this child should be separated from the father and to explain why they refused to talk about this on an amicable level and try to work this out without starting a huge court case. IF you feel you cannot discuss this on this public forum you are welcome to email me as well as I would love to understand your logic behind this case. I have all your affidavits and material you have submitted and it does not have merit to why you have intervened and pushed this mother to fight against the father? Is it because she is only free in your group to be sent wherever you choose as long as she has no ties with the system? No outside influence or connections? Everything you have submitted is standard procedures and common in divorce cases to try to discredit the father. It’s nothing new. I want to know why? What do you want? Why are you doing this? This father has never hurt you, he has never done anything against you, all he wanted was to be part of his son’s life, why are you trying to steal that from him?
Thank you for your time and for listening.
Any questions on how you can help, or if you can help, or what, email me personally I don't want to exactly want to give out all the answers to the next exame.
