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My frank advice

Posted by Helpful on October 15, 2007 at 09:52:12

In Reply to: Re: Help! posted by Seeker on October 15, 2007 at 04:01:30:

Forsake her. She's willing to do that to you herself.

You are worth more than the unequal, one-sided relationship you already have for starters. She and her religion call the shots. No good chasing someone around the world and back when they've got skewed priorities in life to start with (which they think are right). You do not deserve the heartache you WILL get from being involved with people who still do not respect the family unit.

Nothing's "all in the past" -- they still believe in forsaking all for that elusive higher "calling." And there will be higher and higher callings, and you will learn that your place in her life is lower an lower, and you will learn to give up more and more of yourself, your own integrity, till you are nothing but a compliant zombified follower. It will normally take you years of torture before you realize this for yourself (if you still have any self-appraisal faculties left to do so by then), but I'm trying to save you the pain.

People are either moving in or out from the cult. They are moving inward, and trying to suck you in along with it. They'll tell you this is the Lord's big test of your committment to Him and His work, blah blah... Don't fall prey to their self-deluding spiritual elitism. They are not IT, and not better than _FILL_IN_THE_BLANK_. There are better Christians around and better ways to serve God than the way they do, and better fired-up Christian partners to be with who won't destroy you and the good things you believe in now (like relationships and a healthy marriage because you love her). These basic human needs and bondings have been taken and remolded for the purposes of the cult.

So when I say forsake her, I don't mean "forsake her" Family style, I mean for real--dump her. The Family's idea of "forsake her" is: you get on with your own spritual growth and put her on the alter, trust God and see where it leads, blah blah, and soon you'll be sticking around, secretly hoping you'll get a chance to be with her again, and that'll be the hook they're counting on. Nothing's changed. It's called FFing (flirty fishing). You are the fish.