In Reply to: Re: A possible resource book--by Laura Schlessinger posted by resource on March 24, 2008 at 20:24:45:
I am not a fan of Dr. Laura. I realize some may be. This part of a sentence in your comment sums it up for me as to why I am not in agreement with her approach on this issue or others I know her stance on:
"venting your anger or allowing yourself to ever be victimized again."
That seems to be saying the first time the person is victimized it was "allowed"?
How does an 8 yr old stop a huge adult? Yes, I know there are things kids can be taught to empower them, but if they weren't taught those defenses, instead were even taught it was "normal" or wrong to do anything other than just take it or they feared for their lives even, that's not "allowing" victimization.
I do agree that people can learn to be empowered and that is good for those victimized, to not get stuck in one stage of grieving and be pro-active in building a future, but some things that happen to children don't go away any more than mortar shell wounds and deep scars go away in the mind- or remnants disappear from the body via scars, pitting etc.
In order not to get stuck though, people need to be able to vent without a set time and then "you're done"- especially when grieving has to be done where perps can never be confronted or brought to any kind of justice in this world. Then it helps, imo, to have help to be nurtured by healthy, healing people until you can start to nurture yourself and dress your own wounds and take care of them when there are flare-ups. Build a cheer leading squad that accepts you as you are- ugly periods, painful periods, and successes until you are cheering yourself inside.
I have bone that was broken and when the weather changes, even though this happened a long time ago, I feel the pain in that area. A reminder of the past I cannot escape from but can learn to live with and how to care for it when conditions cause a flare.
People sometimes have to learn they have "choices" and then be encouraged to make their own choices when coming out of something very authoritarian. Like the chained eagle- berg said it's in a cage and when let out it stayed in it's rut. Well- it's not true. A bird with wings that is in a rut will FLY when set free. IT may need help, but it will fly. Clumsy at first, perhaps a crash or two or more.
I just don't like Dr. Laura- personal opinion.