Posted by Loredana on September 15, 2012 at 09:58:15
In Reply to: Re: Question #3 posted by Extreme on September 14, 2012 at 09:34:24:
I'm deffinitely not conflicted about marriage and fidelity. I believe in monogamy and, except for the sharing part in the f, I wholeheartedly practice it and feel no need to have extramarital relations. My husband feels the same.
The fact is that men, by nature, are different and Berg didn't have to work hard on persuading them that they have the "right" to have their sexual needs met by someone else, if their wife was unable or unwilling. As far as I'm concerned, it was my duty (not pleasure), to satisfy this need.
My husband never initiated or asked for any of the sexual encounters he had in the f. In fact, just recently he told me, that only two were meaningful and both were with much older women than himself. There has to be much more to a relationship than just the physical for a relationship to have meaning and to last.
This is not to say that threesomes and so on can't work or that they are wrong. I don't condemn them or judge them, in fact, it is none of my business how other people decide to conduct their private lives. Neither do I judge gay or lesbian relationships. If two or three or... people truly love each other, why not?
I know that the relationship between my husband and me is unique. We simply can't live without each other and we see each other growing old, that is even older:), together; and whatever happens, we are in it till death do us part.
I wish that everyone could experience this in their relationship and hope no one feels bad if they don't. I was actually reluctant to write how blessed I am in this way, as I have encountered a lot of envy because of it inside and outside of the f.
I must say though, that God must know how much one can take. I have suffered abuse before the f and in the f. As a child, my only "safe" person was my grandmother and the second, and so far the only other "safe" person is my husband. When I'm depressed and down on myself, I at times encourage myself with the thought that there must be something good about me to have such a loving husband. I shouldn't exclude our children here - they are wonderful people.
We've been together for 26 years, married for 23. He was my first lover and the only man I have ever been in love with. He is my soul mate.
As Pastor Don says, there are high and low points, but where there is love, there is always a solution.
Both my husband and I suffered greatly when we were separated in the f, because we were simply "too in love" and weren't "putting God's work and His family first". We didn't know whether we'd ever be allowed to be together again. We were allowed a few days together before he had to go to the army for a year, which gave us hope, that when he returns, we will be allowed to be together. At this time I was about three months pregnant with my first child; she is the result of sharing with another man, of whom I think that he is just pure lust walking on this planet. I must point out here, that he never once held his own daughter or took care of her in any way, contrary to my husband, who took her as his own.
When my husband returned from the army, he was told, "You are back now, but don't think that anything has changed."
I had to share with the same guy who fathered my daughter in my husband's presence and when the guy was finished I was then free to move over to my husband's bed. Curiously this memory was lost to me, but just recently it was refreshed as we were discussing some events of our past in the f. The reason we were discussing them was that I got in touch with Libby's brother. This is Libby from the letter "Libby's Homegoing". She was the one who informed my husband that we are to separate. I can't hold it against her as she was always kind to me. It was the "shepherds" of our home who were harsh and who reported to her on us.
We were in the f from 1986 till 2001. My husband actually joined in 1985 and was my shepherd in the beginning. I told him I shall never get married or have children and truly wasn't looking for a relationship.
He just simply said, "Never say never, because you never know what can happen."
This was before either of us had any feelings for one another.
But I noticed how he was caring for a single sister's children and I started to think that such a man would be a great father. He was kind, loving, and patient, always explaining things and answering the little boy's questions. He slept in the same room with the single mom to help with the baby girl in the night. He told me it was an honor for him to be trusted with the children.
Once we took a faith trip to another town and had to share a single mattress. He put his arm around me and sweetly said goodnight. I was impressed by him. Of course I was still a babe, but this didn't stop some other guys to have sex with the girl's I knew, who hadn't even joined. I was and still am conservative in this way and I always ended any relationship up until meeting my husband when the guys started to push for sex.
Well, everything is well that ends well. We have six children and they are our joy. We were lucky that I was in childcare and was around all the time.
There were some other horors we experienced in the f, but this is too long already, please forgive me for that. I have naively trusted a few people with my past (although no such details as these), but their reaction was that something must be wrong with me.
So I hope you forgive me for the length and also for getting off the subject. Can't seem to stop myself.
Enough now.
Everyone, take care.