Posted by Extreme on September 14, 2012 at 09:34:24
Another thing I can't settle is monogamy vs polygamy. In TFI we were taught to have an open mind about relationships. Monogamy was this hang up of the church and western civilization. Paul was blamed for putting his personal opinion into the mix and turning it into church dogma. Irresponsible unloving serial monogamy was said to be worse than polygamy.
I find myself agreeing that marriage can be more than just traditional one man and one woman. I saw bad and good threesome marriages in TFI. I know of some plural marriages outside TFI, mostly muslim families, or Thai husbands with second wives that are tolerated by the first wife, or French men with mistresses. I've also seen perfect married couples cheating on each other. In TFI, we were taught that we had a right to satisfy sexual needs, to get "love" outside of a marriage if you weren't getting it at home.
One part of me doubts long term exclusive relationships are possible, believes most people who marry and swear fidelity are not really being true to their own sexual nature, their desire for promsicuity. I even feel TFI swinging was in many ways more honest than "system marriage." I accept that people can have a sexual relationships outside of marriage and "exclusive" partnerships, as long as no one is getting hurt. I agree that we have a right to fulfill our sexual needs if we are not getting it at home, but maybe at least we should break up first.
Another part of me clings to fidelity, I've been hurt by unfaithful partners and knows just how it feels to be cheated on. I understand the inability to be faithful as something tied lack of self worth. People would demand fidelity if they had self respect and knew they deserved to be loved exclusively, and they would be capable of being faithful if they truly respected and loved someone.
Is anyone else conflicted about this? How do you deal with it?